We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
