Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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