she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
