I wannas sexs uuuuu
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize