Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
