I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
