He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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