i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
