four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
