Your face is a jimmy john
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize