Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm just crazy horny about you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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