I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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