Whod you bang
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
