your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
