Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
