He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
