it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
