I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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