well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Randomize
