my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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