Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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