Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
