Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
