My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize