Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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