I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
