The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
