I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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