his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
