I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
