I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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