Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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