I got chris browned last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
