Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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