Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
