1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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