Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
