My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
