tell your sister to shave her snatch
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
