help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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