Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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