Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
