I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
