hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
