This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
