The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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