I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
