peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
