Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
that is very illegal...i love you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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