I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
