dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize