he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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