1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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