margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
