Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's always time for handjobs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
