So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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