Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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