Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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