Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need to align my fucking chakras
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