she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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