I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
