I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
