it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
