You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
