I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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