saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize