I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
