no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
