I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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