I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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