the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
