this boner is exhausting
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
