You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize