In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
