I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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