The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
