She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
