Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
