Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
