he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
