Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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