Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
