Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
