JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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