i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize