You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
