Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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