we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize