I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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