oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
two words...techno handjob
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
