mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
