yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
