What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
