Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
