i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
