I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
