Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
