Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
