i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
