Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
