Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
