apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
